Celebrating Barack Obama

Wayne Allyn Root – Personal Liberty January 1, 2015

Many of you know that I am Barack Obama’s college classmate from Columbia University, Class of ’83. Back in 1981 when my Columbia classmates heard my hero President Ronald Reagan had been shot, they erupted in joy. They celebrated by jumping up and down, cheering, hugging and giving each other high-fives. They screamed, “Yes! Reagan is dead. They got the bastard!” I witnessed it all, firsthand. My radical leftist classmates thought a conservative legend was dead, and that was cause for celebration. I remember thinking, “They are celebrating like it is New Year’s Eve.” After all that’s what you do on New Year’s: celebrate!

That memory inspired this column celebrating Barack Obama as we approach New Year’s 2015. We should not rehash the bad stuff, the disastrous stuff, the tragic stuff, the decline and perhaps even death of America at the hands of a radical Big Brother tyrant. That’s not the way to celebrate New Year’s. Let’s look at the bright side. You know: The glass is half full.

You might ask: “What is the positive side of the Obama presidency?” Well, there are a few groups that should celebrate.

For my fellow constitutional and 2nd Amendment patriots, Obama is the greatest gun salesman in history. Over 70 million guns have been purchased since Obama took office. This man opens his mouth, reads from the teleprompter and, instantly, Americans are inspired to buy all-time record quantities of guns and ammo. If you’re a fan of the 2nd Amendment (or a gun dealer), Obama has been the answer to your prayers.

For my fellow fiscal conservatives and capitalists, Obama is the greatest gold salesman ever. Conservatives love gold. Gold, after all, is the antidote to a debt crisis and lack of confidence in a reckless or incompetent government. That’s why record sums of gold were bought during the past six years. Central bankers worldwide bought more gold in one recent year than in half a century (since 1964).

Obama is also the greatest thing to ever happen to print shop owners. While the rest of us are struggling to keep our heads above water, print shop owners can’t keep up with the demand for “Going Out of Business” and “Home For Sale by Bank” signs…and what about all the protest signs funded by communist groups? Print shop owners, rejoice! You’ve never had it so good.

And then there are “English as a Second Language” teachers. There may be very few good jobs left in Obama’s America, but if you speak both English and Spanish, the sky is the limit. With the border wide open and Obama announcing amnesty for illegals, celebrate if you are a teacher of “English as a Second Language.” You have the most in-demand job in America. Unfortunately, demand for prison guards may soon surpass you.

Obama is the greatest thing to ever happen to government bureaucrats. The future is bright if your goal is to sit in a windowless office handing out checks for welfare, food stamps, disability and unemployment, while complaining you are overworked and underpaid. With almost 20 percent of all Americans on food stamps alone, there’s enough work for you to last a lifetime… or at least 20 years, until you retire at age 45 and collect an obscene pension for the next 40 to 50 years for not working.

And what about the basement boom? With Obama and his socialist cabal in control for another two years, basements are the new hip living space for young adults. At this moment, 31 percent of all Americans between the ages of 18 and 34 live with their parents.

Obama’s high taxes and massive regulations guarantee millions of college graduates will either stay unemployed or underemployed in low-wage jobs, forcing them to live in mommy’s and daddy’s basement for years to come. Basements are no longer lonely dusty places to store old furniture. In the age of Obama, they are where you store your 30-year-old unemployed children.

Pharmaceutical companies are celebrating. A record 30 million Americans are dependent on antidepressants. There would be many more, except millions of depressed Americans self-medicate with alcohol. If you sell drugs or booze, give a shout-out this New Year’s to Obama, the greatest salesman for your products ever!

And then, of course, there are the cop haters who are celebrating. To think you used to be misunderstood, hated pariahs. Today you are in favor — with Obama praising you for hating cops. He encourages you to protest, loot, burn and act like exactly what you are: idiots who have no interest in getting a job. But, not to worry, this New Year’s you can come out of the closet, celebrate, and be openly you!

Unfortunately, the rest of us are hiding in the closet, because you’re on the streets.

If you’re a radical Muslim terrorist, or just someone who sympathizes with radical Muslims (i.e., a Democrat) — celebrate! Obama is the best thing to ever happen to you. Under Obama, America has become a politically correct shell of its former self…rest easy. No more “enhanced interrogations.” And if you’re caught, you’ll live like a king at Guantanamo, provided with a Koran, prayer rug, religious approved food, basketball courts and expensive lawyers. Then once you are rested up, you’ll be released back to the battlefield, ready to again cut off heads and slaughter women and little children. Obama is the best thing that ever happened to you.

If you’re Fidel and Raul Castro, celebrate Obama. By opening relations and trade, Obama saved Cuba from economic collapse and the certain death of communism. He asked for nothing in return. You get to remain a communist nation, jail your political opposition, steal the people’s income, while enjoying the prosperity that comes from doing business with America’s biggest companies. Celebrate Obama — the savior of communism — on New Year’s Day!

Finally, we come to Vladimir Putin. He’s celebrating like Prince said, “like it’s 1999,” this New Year’s. God handed him “the gift of a lifetime” in the form of Barack Obama. Obama pulled off a miracle for Putin and the Russian people. He made a bankrupt, decaying country look like a world power again. He gave a demoralized military swagger again. Obama managed to do something even Putin couldn’t do — put Mother Russia in the driver’s seat and America in the back seat.

The only question is: Is this a coincidence, or was this Obama’s plan all along?

Yes, there’s certainly a lot to celebrate this New Year’s. Unfortunately, it’s the enemies of America, American exceptionalism, the American dream, Judeo-Christian values, capitalism and cops who are doing most of the celebrating.

For the rest of us, it’s two long years until we can celebrate “Obama-free America.”

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